Faith

God uses ALL things for good.  I need to remind myself of that sometimes.  Anyone who knows me knows that I am waiting, trying to be patient, to find love.  I have grown leaps and bounds in my spiritual life.  I feel closer to God than I ever have before.  God has used this time of waiting in my life to bring me closer to Him.  I am having to really learn and live trust and faith in God's timing. I don't want anything other than what God wants for me and ONLY when He thinks I am ready for it.  Once you really accept that in your heart you can totally relax.  I am not in control, God is and THANK GOD FOR THAT!!!!  I have made a mess of anything I tried to control.  Just a little positive affirmation for myself, I think I am finally on the right path :)

Clear

I am being tested in my life.  My faith is becoming stronger the longer I have to wait for what I truly want.  God knows that I want love, I want a partner in life.  I'm sure he's tired of me repeating myself.   I know this wait is essential for my growth, I am learning patience and that my way has only brought me heartache. It is hard to be alone, it's hard to let go of people you love even though they are poisoning your spirit, it is hard to have faith even when you know it's the only way you will be happy.  I am learning to discipline myself, to do what is right and wait rather than do what feels good to me in the moment.  IT IS A STRUGGLE. I can look back and see how far I have come, I have made progress and I am proud of myself.  To backslide and revert to old behaviors and habits would only send me directly back to START.  Pray for my strength and courage and PATIENCE on my journey, I need each and every one. 

Feeling much better :) and stronger!

I thought that when I went through my divorce and all that went along with it, would be the time of greatest growth probably in my life. I'm not so sure anymore. I have been going through something lately, intense spiritual growth and it's wonderful but HARD, hard to break free from old, ingrained thought patterns, feelings and habits. To really look and see that a lot of why you are where you are is because of YOU, not anyone or anything else.  It's a mixed bag of emotions.  Looking back with some regret but pushing through that to the other side.  Every step I have taken has brought me here.  I may not have a lot of money or material items but I am RICH beyond my wildest dreams.  My family, my friends and ME.  I am learning to love who I am. I try and see myself as God sees me.  I am a deep, rich human being.  I am strong. I am a good person who loves deeply. I know that God has wonderful surprises in store for me. I need to keep my chin up and continue to try and be a blessing to every person I come in contact with.  Try it, you will do your part to change the world and you will start by changing yourself.  Life is good.  Good night and God Bless

In a FUNK!

Good morning- I have been in a major funk the last few days.  I know that I am being tested in my life, learning patience.  I am trying so hard to learn and grow spiritually.  To not make the mistakes I've made in the past.  I've  always tried to make whatever I wanted "right", mostly in relationships, rather than waiting for what God wants me to have.  Thus, failed relationship after failed relationship.  I am tired of being alone, tired of feeling like the 3rd wheel everywhere I go.  Now I know that I am blessed beyond measure, I have more people that love me than I can even count,I have the BEST 3 children in the world,  but you know what I mean!! It's not the same.  We were not meant to be alone.  But it needs to be the right person, the person GOD wants for me and I just need to be patient and wait.......and who knows how long I will have to???  That is a hard lesson for me!! I want it now!!  So anyway, I am in a funk!!! It seems like everyone around me has someone and they are all telling me to find the joy and beauty in today and yes!! they are right but it's SO easy for them to say right???  Pray for me.  Pray for me to have strength and courage and patience.  Pray for me to live beyond my feelings. 

How many lives.....

Sometimes I feel like I have lived many lives.....I've experienced so many different emotions and had so many crazy experiences. I am planning on writing a book.  Not because I think my life is SO exceptional, but I think we all have a story to tell, so why not tell it?  Maybe your telling your story will prompt or encourage someone else to do the same.  Maybe it will help someone feel not so alone in their thoughts or feelings?  I have already started writing it and I am thinking of posting a little here and there of what I have already written and then continue writing it blog style?? Any thoughts or opinions on that?

Disenchanted evening

So today was weird and full of information that left me blue by the end of the day.  It was all perfectly spaced though so as not to be too overwhelming. But the sum of it all just is for lack of a better word....gross.  I will try and tell you about it without giving away identities.  I found out a local family is experiencing a very similar situation that I went through, affairs, betrayal, heartbreak and it just made me ill. What is wrong with some people???  Are they so self-centered and selfish that they cannot see the UTTER DESTRUCTION their decisions will leave in their wake? I just don't get it?  Not at all, and being on the receiving end of much of that pain makes me want to just throttle this person.
Next my fifteen year old daughter texts me while I am work that she has found out her boyfriend has cheated on her with a friend......and this was his second chance, he couldn't go a whole week without misbehaving.  It is so hard as a mother to sit back and "let" your daughter make her own decisions and mistakes when you know the outcome will most likely be heartbreak.   But there again, where are the morals? Values? Character?  For God's sake?? 
And then finally for your reading pleasure ;/ I found out something about one of my ex's who shall remain nameless but anyone who knows me will know who this is. Anyhow, he calls me quite regularly to tell me how much he misses me and loves me, crying etc.  WELL, turns out that he has been living with someone, a woman, for almost a year......not that it makes a damn bit of difference but WTH???  Does anyone remember what honesty? integrity? respect?  are anymore??  It just baffles me.
 I am the first one to admit that I am NOT perfect but c'mon.  I have learned, and some of it was the hard way, that honesty is the BEST policy.  Lies will ALWAYS come back to haunt.  Just live in the truth and deal with the repercussions then and there.  It's not always easy or fun but it's the only way that allows for peace of heart and mind.  So yes, I am feeling a little disenchanted tonight but I am sure tomorrow something will happen to restore my faith in the world.....God Bless and Good Night

Well hello there!

I feel sort of like a copy cat!  My sister starts a blog and now so do I ;) I've looked into it several times but just never got around to actually DOING it.  Well, now it's created and I have no excuse.  We all have a story to tell and hopefully this will be a way to keep track of my memories!!  (I have a horrible memory).  Cheers to blogging :)